I often get asked why I started Charm City Love, Inc. or how I came up with the idea. I usually tell this story about a woman I met when I went to feed the homeless on a hot summer day in 2014. I talk about how when I initially met this woman I judged her because of her appearance and how after talking to her and hearing her story my idea of who she was had completely transformed. This story is very real but what I never mention is that I founded Charm City Love, Inc. because I realized that that I saw so much of myself in this homeless woman who I’d met outside of the main post office in downtown Baltimore. Let me explain…
In January of 2010 after having one of the best New Year’s Eves of my life, I was told that I either had Leukemia or a rare disease called Aplastic Anemia. A week later I found out that it was Aplastic Anemia; I took a sigh of relief. Little did I know…this was just the beginning of the biggest test of my life. We all know how horrible of a disease Leukemia is and how devastating it can be on one’s life. Unfortunately, diseases like Aplastic Anemia which have similar treatment and takes a similar toll on victims’ lives are often overlooked due to lack of discussion.
In preparation for treatment, I learned that my sister was not a match for a bone marrow transplant. I was then taken to the hospital where a Picc Line was placed in my open chest. Side note: If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me about the mark on my left breast and how I got it and a dollar for every time I lied and said something like “it’s a birth mark”…I’d be rich. After getting the Picc Line, I began immune suppressant therapy (chemotherapy by pill).
I remember having an excruciating headache and repeatedly saying I didn’t feel well. The next thing I remember is flashes of people standing over me asking questions like “what is your name?” “What kind of car do you drive?” I got several of those questions wrong. I later found out that I had had several seizures. At the time, I was the only person to ever survive this kind of reaction to the medicine I was given.
My mother often reminds me of how blessed I am. She tells me the story of the woman next to us in my room. She never physically saw the woman but after my seizures and after the woman and her child were admitted from the hospital, the woman left a note for my mother. The note said that she had prayed for me. That she knew I would be okay.
I lived in a hospital room for weeks after this. During this time my grandmother was diagnosed with and received treatment for Leukemia. At this same time, my favorite person in the entire world passed away - my grandfather. He left this earth with no idea that my grandma or I were in such a vulnerable space and in bad condition.
Once I was released, I had to go to the hospital for treatment several days a week. I went in all the clothes I’d received for Christmas, I literally wore my best. I believed that looking my best would make me feel my best…and it worked. I felt good and this is part of why I love beauty and fashion so much today. But this plan also backfired in some ways.
To most people I didn’t “look” sick. I’ve always been terrified to discuss my sickness. I was afraid that people would think I wanted attention. I was afraid to make people feel uncomfortable. I wanted to be perceived as “normal.”
No part of this is meant to make anyone feel bad for me. It is simply to share my story and raise awareness for diseases that tend to be overlooked. It is my hope that at least one person’s eyes are open to the fact that there is always more than what meets the eye. Most people had no idea of what I went through. In having to leave college to stabilize my health, at one point I heard a rumor that I had left college due to pregnancy.
The lady I met in the summer of 2014, we are one in the same. Different stories and different paths but we are two people who people look at and immediately make assumptions about who we are and where we came from.
I say this to say… be kind always. Think before you speak. Your words and thoughts hold power. People are often fighting battles that you have no idea about.
Charm City Love, Inc. was birthed from my story. We all have a story. We’ve all been through things. Our pain, our anger, our tendencies; they all come from somewhere.
I only scratched the surface in the post about my story. Take some time to read up on Aplastic Anemia. Take some time to ask someone their story.
Written By: Erin Phillips, President and Founder of Charm City Love, Inc.